Been slingin' drinks and food for 15 years. Yeah, I gots stories.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
A Quick Little Observation
If you have ever, at any point in your life, said to a bartender or server who is really, really busy to "Smile", Congratulations! You are officially a douchebag.
Oh, I can't stand that! We have one old-ass customer who sits at the counter while his old-ass wife talks to everyone on the way to the register and he always tells me to "Smile!" Which makes me frown intensely.
Just found your site. Love the attitude, it makes me melancholy for my days behind the bar. I had to put in my 2 cents on this post. Nothing makes me madder than some asshole telling you to smile when you're 10 deep and 5 wide at your well. You wanna make me smile? Order quickly, speak up, have your money out before your drink's ready (I always give a total before the drink. I'm a pro like that), and tip well. People who follow that rule always got remembered by me and treated well. I'd wave them up past other dipshits who were still making up their minds, serve 'em and move on. Fuck your "smile."
Thanks for following! Yes, the smile people totally suck ass. I think the only people I hate more than them are the assholes (usually a group of bitches) that see you are 10 deep, order one fucking drink that it takes them forever to decide on, and then wants to close it out with a credit card instead of starting a tab. And then repeating the process all night. People have no idea the shit we have to put up with. I'll smile when all you fuckers are gone and I'm counting my money.
I KNOW THOSE BITCHES! I usually told them up front that my blender was broken. I bartended for 10 years with a broken blender. No matter where I worked the poor thing broke. It's sad really.
I hated the BITCHES. I happened to be working at a college bar when Coyote Ugly came out and these same bitches though it would be soooo fucking awesome if they hopped their skanky asses on the bar and start dancing. No bitch, I'm trying to work here and I can't make drinks while trying to dodge your goddamm cankels.And these bitches ALWAYS thought just because they or one of their slutty friends was having a birthday, that meant they got free shots. Not no, but hellllll no! At least I don't have to deal with stupid sorority whores anymore. Just older former stupid sorortiy whores who married their douchebag frat boyfriends. Which actually kinda sucks too.
I worked a huge bar when Coyote Ugly came out too. I fucking hate that movie. Those are the same BITCHES that would come in slutted up for bachelorette parties that always featured the bride in a "Suck for a buck" shirt and the night always ended with said bride getting felt up by some strange guy while her friends tried to get her to leave. I had one of them making out with random guys in front of my well once and told her, "Wow! Your future husband would be so proud right now..." She glared at me and kept dry humping. That was about 10 years ago so I'm sure they're divorced and shuttling some very disturbed children back and forth by now.
Oh sweet Jesus, I hated the bachelorette bitches. Not only did they look like riduculous twats but they always wanted special treatment, some free shots or some shit like that. Bitch, you're not the first person to ever get married. Come back when your divorce is final and maybe I'll give you a free drink. That's when you'll really need it. I swear to God, if i ever get married and my friends try to pull that shit with me, I will personally stab the maid of honor with a steakknife.
And Tonya, your secret is safe with me ;-). If you have a blog, please send me link if you don't mind. Just from reading your comments, I would love to read it.
Holy shit, I can't believe I forgot to come back here for a week. Love your outlook. Yes, I do have a blog. Please drop by. May I put a link to your site on my blog? I think my readers would like your attitude. Fair warning, they curse like sailors. Atheist Granny
Too true!
ReplyDeleteOh, I can't stand that! We have one old-ass customer who sits at the counter while his old-ass wife talks to everyone on the way to the register and he always tells me to "Smile!"
ReplyDeleteWhich makes me frown intensely.
Just found your site. Love the attitude, it makes me melancholy for my days behind the bar. I had to put in my 2 cents on this post. Nothing makes me madder than some asshole telling you to smile when you're 10 deep and 5 wide at your well. You wanna make me smile? Order quickly, speak up, have your money out before your drink's ready (I always give a total before the drink. I'm a pro like that), and tip well. People who follow that rule always got remembered by me and treated well. I'd wave them up past other dipshits who were still making up their minds, serve 'em and move on. Fuck your "smile."
ReplyDeleteThanks for following! Yes, the smile people totally suck ass. I think the only people I hate more than them are the assholes (usually a group of bitches) that see you are 10 deep, order one fucking drink that it takes them forever to decide on, and then wants to close it out with a credit card instead of starting a tab. And then repeating the process all night. People have no idea the shit we have to put up with. I'll smile when all you fuckers are gone and I'm counting my money.
ReplyDeleteI KNOW THOSE BITCHES! I usually told them up front that my blender was broken. I bartended for 10 years with a broken blender. No matter where I worked the poor thing broke. It's sad really.
ReplyDeleteI hated the BITCHES. I happened to be working at a college bar when Coyote Ugly came out and these same bitches though it would be soooo fucking awesome if they hopped their skanky asses on the bar and start dancing. No bitch, I'm trying to work here and I can't make drinks while trying to dodge your goddamm cankels.And these bitches ALWAYS thought just because they or one of their slutty friends was having a birthday, that meant they got free shots. Not no, but hellllll no! At least I don't have to deal with stupid sorority whores anymore. Just older former stupid sorortiy whores who married their douchebag frat boyfriends. Which actually kinda sucks too.
ReplyDeleteI worked a huge bar when Coyote Ugly came out too. I fucking hate that movie. Those are the same BITCHES that would come in slutted up for bachelorette parties that always featured the bride in a "Suck for a buck" shirt and the night always ended with said bride getting felt up by some strange guy while her friends tried to get her to leave. I had one of them making out with random guys in front of my well once and told her, "Wow! Your future husband would be so proud right now..." She glared at me and kept dry humping. That was about 10 years ago so I'm sure they're divorced and shuttling some very disturbed children back and forth by now.
ReplyDeleteWhoops, Atheist Granny is me...Tonya. I forgot to log out of my email.
ReplyDeleteOh sweet Jesus, I hated the bachelorette bitches. Not only did they look like riduculous twats but they always wanted special treatment, some free shots or some shit like that. Bitch, you're not the first person to ever get married. Come back when your divorce is final and maybe I'll give you a free drink. That's when you'll really need it. I swear to God, if i ever get married and my friends try to pull that shit with me, I will personally stab the maid of honor with a steakknife.
ReplyDeleteAnd Tonya, your secret is safe with me ;-). If you have a blog, please send me link if you don't mind. Just from reading your comments, I would love to read it.
ReplyDeleteHoly shit, I can't believe I forgot to come back here for a week. Love your outlook. Yes, I do have a blog. Please drop by. May I put a link to your site on my blog? I think my readers would like your attitude. Fair warning, they curse like sailors. Atheist Granny
ReplyDeletePlease do! I simple adore people that curse like sailors! I'll add you to my blogroll too.
ReplyDelete